WHAT'S IN A NAME?
What’s
in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as
sweet.
This is a very famous line from the popular Shakespearean
play Romeo and Juliet. It cleverly sums up the conflict driving the entire story. In the early societies families played an important role in defining who
people were. The family name identified who you were in society. As such families kept their lines of descent very distinct. Every society was (and
still is) divided into three distinct
classes socially; the upper class (affluent), the middle, the lower (working)
based on many social factors such as wealth, influence, power, political
status, titles and esteem.
And every family fell into one of these classes as per their social status. Majority of the upper class consisted of aristocrats, ruling
families, titled people and religious hierarchs. These people were usually born
into their status and no amount of wealth or fame would make a person from an
ordinary background to be a part of the upper class. This was because children
born into upper class were raised in a particular manner to understand the values,
traditions, and cultural norms of 'polite society' as they were sometimes
referred to. Social class status was therefore derived from the social position
of one's family and not from one's own achievements or wealth.
In our Romeo and Juliet story, the two lovebirds
lived in such a society and names mattered. Their love suffered so much
persecution because of what their names represented; rival families. In defense
to her love, Juliet utters the famous line to argue that names don’t really
define who people are. And if Romeo had a different
surname he would still be the same man she falls in love with. What do you
think? Do names truly influence who we become? Well, tell me at the end of this article.
I have never really considered myself a person
from a family of influence but talking to a friend recently made me wonder what my family represents.While reminiscing on our childhood I told him I was a sad child, the friend wondered how that could be so when I came from an affluent and well known family unlike
him and some other kids we went to school with that came from families with
little social standing. From his perspective i was a privileged kid because of my family name.That surprised me because I never saw myself in that
light but it also got me thinking.
HERE'S A LITTLE BACKSTORY.
HERE'S A LITTLE BACKSTORY.
I hail from a small village in the Kenyan countryside.
This village is part of the 'one million acre settlement scheme' which comprised parcels of land
recovered from the white highlands (agriculturally rich lands where the British
had settled during the colonial times)These lands had become white territory so
after independence when they left, the government bought them back and sold to Kenyans who
could afford so they can engage in farming activities. In our village there are
several families that purchased the land and it was subdivided into plots among
them. My grandfather was one such person. This portion of the settlement scheme ended up
comprising huge farms belonging to these families and in a way they became like founding fathers or 'the Originals'. They developed part and sold part of their
lands over the years to small groups of people that had started migrating into
the village.
But before then, as I was growing up my village was made
up of just a few families and people just identified you by the family you come
from. The neighbours were a long ways off because of large farms each family
owned so kids just stayed in their homes. No playing in the neighbours’. The farms
were named after the owners and at the property entrance there was a sign with
the farm name and the plot number. The families became popular by this virtue
and had influence on the affairs of the village as the society grew. These
original families became the respectable or high society of the village.
HOW?
By becoming a different group of people in the now growing
society. They had different mannerisms and lifestyles than the groups moving in
therefore by default became the polite society of the village. As a child I didn’t
understand that. I just knew I came from a strict family that wouldn’t let me
have fun. There were so many rules on how to and how not to act, speak and
dress. My family was always very strict on these matters you had to be prim and
proper at all times. For instance: if you are seated you
had to stand to greet an older person, the younger greeted the older and not
vice versa, you were to greet an older person with a curtsy, table manners were
a serious issue among other rules of politeness we had to adhere to.
They were strict about cultivating these manners
and appalled by aggressive behavior. As a result mingling with other people
wasn’t a common occurrence unless in public events and even then people seemed to
walk on eggshells around us. At school the children from the original families
were known by default. They were different (with exceptions of course) because
they were encouraged to act a certain way and study hard. As I grew I started noticing some
people just did things I had been taught not to do especially in public. Small
things like sneezing or coughing without covering the mouth. It always surprised
me.
WHAT IS THE POINT OF ALL THIS?
Polite society in every part of the world and
culture is governed by rules of social settings. People belonging in these
circles strive to teach their kids the proper way to behave so as to maintain
the prestige of their families. They always appear snobbish and maybe it could
be somewhat true but what I learnt from my family is the value of etiquette and grace. These are timeless values which dignify a person that no amount of
wealth can ever give to someone.
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| A woman at a restaurant photo by Diego Calabrese |
In an attempt to move away from the demeaning and
discriminatory aspects that the social classes especially the upper classes
pose to the society we have thrown out some very important values that would foster a humane society. The rules of etiquette and manners in polite society
were important because they enabled the people to be kind and polite, acting courteously
and with dignity not with instinct like animals. Without proper manners, the
customs of polite society would soon disappear. Aggressiveness and an attitude
of ‘every man for himself’ would be the norm.
We need to bring back and incorporate in our families
these courtesies of life that are in danger of disappearing such as;
- Using the words please and thank you
when requesting for something.
- Table manners like chewing with your
mouth closed, not talking while eating, not using the phone at dinner table,
waiting for everyone to be served before starting to eat, keeping elbows off
the table,
- Covering your mouth/ nose when
sneezing or coughing.
- The culture of “ladies first”.
- Shaking hands in greetings.
- Not using swear or vulgar words in public, no actually just never using vulgar and swear words.
- Holding the door open for someone who is behind you.
- Taking your place in a queue without pushing in and just queuing in a single file.
- Making eye contact when greeting someone.
- Greeting an older person with a
curtsy.
- Knocking on a door before entering.
- Giving your seat to an older person in
public transport or one who may need it more than you.
- Saying sorry when you make a mistake
even minor ones.
- Saying excuse to get someone’s
attention or leave a gathering.
- When visiting a house or office, waiting to be invited to sit before you do so.
These are NOT OLD FASHIONED IDEOLOGIES THEY ARE GOOD VALUES for a respectable society. Back then being forced to behave a certain way
felt like a punishment but now I realize that these manners help to create a
dignified member of the society. We need more dignified people in our societies
today.
It would be nice for our modern societies to uphold etiquette. Parents should teach their children manners and etiquette from an early age regardless if they belong to middle, upper or lower class as thought by society. Etiquette shouldn’t be something only determined by family name.
It would be nice for our modern societies to uphold etiquette. Parents should teach their children manners and etiquette from an early age regardless if they belong to middle, upper or lower class as thought by society. Etiquette shouldn’t be something only determined by family name.
What
do you think? Are there etiquette rules you were taught when you were a child?
Share with us in the comments.
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Love
muchly,
Liz.😍😍
Posts
2 comments
This is so true. Society has neglected etiquette. And I hope that this reaches more people and they know and even teach the younger generations the importance of etiquette. I love it.
ReplyDeleteThank you Kate.I think so too, not all change is good. Etiquette has an important place in society. It's not just a pretentious culture of the rich.
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