LIZ VARDA: October 2019

WHAT’S IN A NAME?

What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.

This is a very famous line from the popular Shakespearean play Romeo and Juliet. It cleverly sums up the conflict driving the entire story. In the early societies families played an important role in defining who people were. The family name identified who you were in society. As such families kept their lines of descent very distinct. Every society was (and still is) divided into three distinct classes socially; the upper class (affluent), the middle, the lower (working) based on many social factors such as wealth, influence, power, political status, titles and esteem.

And every family fell into one of these classes as per their social status. Majority of the upper class consisted of aristocrats, ruling families, titled people and religious hierarchs. These people were usually born into their status and no amount of wealth or fame would make a person from an ordinary background to be a part of the upper class. This was because children born into upper class were raised in a particular manner to understand the values, traditions, and cultural norms of 'polite society' as they were sometimes referred to. Social class status was therefore derived from the social position of one's family and not from one's own achievements or wealth.

In our Romeo and Juliet story, the two lovebirds lived in such a society and names mattered. Their love suffered so much persecution because of what their names represented; rival families. In defense to her love, Juliet utters the famous line to argue that names don’t really define who people are. And if Romeo had a different surname he would still be the same man she falls in love with. What do you think? Do names truly influence who we become? Well, tell me at the end of this article.

I have never really considered myself a person from a family of influence but talking to a friend recently made me wonder what my family represents.While reminiscing on our childhood I told him I was a sad child, the friend wondered how that could be so when I came from an affluent and well known family unlike him and some other kids we went to school with that came from families with little social standing. From his perspective i was a privileged kid because of my family name.That surprised me because I never saw myself in that light but it also got me thinking.

HERE'S A LITTLE BACKSTORY.

I hail from a small village in the Kenyan countryside. This village is part of the 'one million acre settlement scheme' which comprised parcels of land recovered from the white highlands (agriculturally rich lands where the British had settled during the colonial times)These lands had become white territory so after independence when they left, the government bought them back and sold to Kenyans who could afford so they can engage in farming activities. In our village there are several families that purchased the land and it was subdivided into plots among them. My grandfather was one such person. This portion of the settlement scheme ended up comprising huge farms belonging to these families and in a way they became like founding fathers or 'the Originals'. They developed part and sold part of their lands over the years to small groups of people that had started migrating into the village.

But before then, as I was growing up my village was made up of just a few families and people just identified you by the family you come from. The neighbours were a long ways off because of large farms each family owned so kids just stayed in their homes. No playing in the neighbours’. The farms were named after the owners and at the property entrance there was a sign with the farm name and the plot number. The families became popular by this virtue and had influence on the affairs of the village as the society grew. These original families became the respectable or high society of the village.

HOW?

By becoming a different group of people in the now growing society. They had different mannerisms and lifestyles than the groups moving in therefore by default became the polite society of the village. As a child I didn’t understand that. I just knew I came from a strict family that wouldn’t let me have fun. There were so many rules on how to and how not to act, speak and dress. My family was always very strict on these matters you had to be prim and proper at all times. For instance: if you are seated you had to stand to greet an older person, the younger greeted the older and not vice versa, you were to greet an older person with a curtsy, table manners were a serious issue among other rules of politeness we had to adhere to.

They were strict about cultivating these manners and appalled by aggressive behavior. As a result mingling with other people wasn’t a common occurrence unless in public events and even then people seemed to walk on eggshells around us. At school the children from the original families were known by default. They were different (with exceptions of course) because they were encouraged to act a certain way and study hard. As I grew I started noticing some people just did things I had been taught not to do especially in public. Small things like sneezing or coughing without covering the mouth. It always surprised me.

WHAT IS THE POINT OF ALL THIS?

Polite society in every part of the world and culture is governed by rules of social settings. People belonging in these circles strive to teach their kids the proper way to behave so as to maintain the prestige of their families. They always appear snobbish and maybe it could be somewhat true but what I learnt from my family is the value of etiquette and grace. These are timeless values which dignify a person that no amount of wealth can ever give to someone.

A woman at a restaurant photo by Diego Calabrese

In an attempt to move away from the demeaning and discriminatory aspects that the social classes especially the upper classes pose to the society we have thrown out some very important values that would foster a humane society. The rules of etiquette and manners in polite society were important because they enabled the people to be kind and polite, acting courteously and with dignity not with instinct like animals. Without proper manners, the customs of polite society would soon disappear. Aggressiveness and an attitude of ‘every man for himself’ would be the norm.

We need to bring back and incorporate in our families these courtesies of life that are in danger of disappearing such as;

Using the words please and thank you when requesting for something.
Table manners like chewing with your mouth closed, not talking while eating, not using the phone at dinner table, waiting for everyone to be served before starting to eat, keeping elbows off the table,
Covering your mouth/ nose when sneezing or coughing.
The culture of “ladies first”.
Shaking hands in greetings.
Not using swear or vulgar words in public, no actually just never using vulgar and swear words.
Holding the door open for someone who is behind you.
Taking your place in a queue without pushing in and just queuing in a single file.
Making eye contact when greeting someone.
Greeting an older person with a curtsy.
Knocking on a door before entering.
Giving your seat to an older person in public transport or one who may need it more than you.
Saying sorry when you make a mistake even minor ones.
Saying excuse to get someone’s attention or leave a gathering.
When visiting a house or office, waiting to be invited to sit before you do so.

These are NOT OLD FASHIONED IDEOLOGIES THEY ARE GOOD VALUES for a respectable society. Back then being forced to behave a certain way felt like a punishment but now I realize that these manners help to create a dignified member of the society. We need more dignified people in our societies today.

It would be nice for our modern societies to uphold etiquette. Parents should teach their children manners and etiquette from an early age regardless if they belong to middle, upper or lower class as thought by society. Etiquette shouldn’t be something only determined by family name.

What do you think? Are there etiquette rules you were taught when you were a child? Share with us in the comments.

Hit the👍button below to like and share.

Love muchly,

Liz.😍😍

2 comments

THE ISLAND OF MOMBASA

Photo: The Mombasa Tusks

FUN FACTS ABOUT MOMBASA AND WHY YOU SHOULD VISIT.

I have always loved visiting Mombasa for several reasons. One is that feeling of vacationing I get when entering the town; there is a view of the ocean with waves crashing against the shore, the musky smell of salty water vapor that hits your nostrils and the slow pace of life as you watch people go about their activities (if you live in Nairobi or any other busy town you will note this when in Mombasa). All these hold the promise of a dip, laughter, fun-filled and sunny days.

Secondly, the strange mix of ancient architecture that reminds you of medieval times with the modern buildings and civilization that has somehow blended to form the town as we know it. Thirdly, the warm weather whether it rains or not.

The town has changed its name severally over the years though how it came to be called Mombasa is still unclear. During the initial years when it was still part of Tanzania-the then Tanganyika (Later that coastal strip was ceded to the Kenyan government through a treaty) it was known as kisiwa cha mvita (Mvita Island) after its founding father shehe Mvita (Sheikh Mvita).

Afterwards the name was changed to Manbasa an Arabic version of Mvita. Much later the name just became Mombasa. Some claims are that this was a case of Kenyans messing with phonetics and Mombasa is a mispronunciation of Manbasa just like some other foreign words that have become real names after mispronunciation such as Dagoretti corner which was initially “The great corner.” Other theories are that it was called Kisiwa cha mvita which is Swahili for island of war due to the many attacks on the island as various groups struggled for control and power over it including Arabs, Persians, Portuguese and British.

Mombasa isn’t the second largest town in Kenya for no reason; it is an important sea port that serves the whole of east and part of central Africa in terms of import and export trade. Major beneficiaries are Uganda, Burundi, Rwanda, South Sudan and Congo D.R. Being an island it is detached from the mainland where to the north it is connected by the Nyali bridge while to the south is accessible via the Likoni ferry.

MOMBASA OLD PORT.

It has two main harbours i.e. To the north is Mombasa Harbour leading to Tudor Creek.This is where the old port was located before the modern one was made towards the south. It is still operational though now it just serves smaller water vessels coming to the East African coast.

While Kilindini Harbour to the south is more busy shipping traffic to the new and modern port of Mombasa where large modern vessels such as container ships, tankers, warships, reefers, and cruise ships dock.

BEGINNINGS.

We cannot talk about Mombasa without exploring its history as it is an important part of the town and establishment of Kenya as a state.

As one of oldest recorded towns in Kenya it has a history dating as early as 8^th century. Its inhabitants being the Swahili people; a people descended from the east African coast Bantu tribes who had lived here at the latest in the 6^th century. The Swahili comprised mainly 12 clans that later broke up due to dominance struggles into two separate confederations comprising 3 and 9 tribes.

The town over the years changed ownership through many foreign powers that invaded it.

At the onset of the 1^st millennium, a new Swahili group the shirazi believed to have migrated from the north, most likely Lamu and Somali settled in Mombasa and became the dominant force due to their well-established organizational system; they introduced the coinage system and Islam. They also created sultanates for governing the land and a merchant system that served this coastal strip. The Persians also arrived in the 12^th century and took part in the trade that was beginning to pick up and open the region at the time.

However, the arrival of the explorer Vasco da Gama on his expedition to India shook up things and marked the beginning of the Portuguese era in Mombasa. Five years later they came and attacked Mombasa. At the close the 14^th century the Portuguese had firmly established themselves and built the imposing fort Jesus; a reign which lasted for approximately 100 years. This was until they were ousted by the Oman Arabs, who laid siege to the fort Jesus.

Interestingly after this victory, there was power struggle between the Mazrui’s and Busaid clans of the Oman with the Mazrui’s emerging victorious and ruling over the town but later the Busaid leader sultan Sayyid Said defeated the mazrui’s in 1822 and gained control. This was not to last long as two years later the British arrived to overthrow the Sultan Sayyid Said following an alliance treaty with the Mazrui’s who had pleaded for help to unseat the Busaid. The british agreed to help the Mazrui leader on condition that he abolishes slave trade.

Mombasa became a British protectorate and by the 1886, this became the springboard for the British colonization later in Kenya. They started construction of the railway line to access the mainland which was completed in 1901.

WHAT’S FUN TO SEE IN MOMBASA?

There are many places to visit and things to see in Mombasa since it is a thriving town but I’ll just sample a few exciting ones:

1. Hotels

Mombasa has an array of accommodation facilities to suit your style and pocket. Being an important tourist destination it has a host of quality 5 star rated hotels and resorts for holiday, relaxation and business visits. Some of the best include Nyali sun Africa beach resort, Sarova white sands, Bamburi beach hotel and English point marina and spa just to mention a few.

2. Neighbourhoods

There are clear cut neighbourhoods with distinct character much like Nairobi. These include;

· Nyali and Kizingo- Nyali and Kizingo are the high class estates of Mombasa. Nyali serves the rich settlers of the coast characterized by leafy gated communities; the shopping centre is also well developed. The English point Marina hotel is also located here. Kizingo is a rich estate serving the diplomat community; it is also where the state house is located.

· Tudor and Ganjoni- These two are Middle class regions serving the middle income earners characterized by residential apartments and shops.

· Mikindani and miritini- low class neighbourhoods in the outskirts of the town serving the population working in the industrial area of changamwe and Kilindini harbor.

· Magongo-Is predominantly a slum area with very low accessibility to proper social amenities.

· Likoni- Is a lower class area on the south side of Mombasa accessible by the Likoni ferry. The population comprise heavily of the Digos (a native mijikenda tribe). They mostly work on Mombasa island as casual labourers for industries.

· Kibokoni and Makadara- Are neighbourhoods located within Mombasa old town with major Swahili influences in architecture and culture. They have mostly retained the ancient outlook and are rich in the history of Mombasa. The major population here is the afro-arabs and arabs. Fort jesus is located in Kibokoni while Makadara is home to the descendants of Baluchi soldiers (the mercenaries for the Omani forces.)

3. Fort Jesus

Located in Mombasa old town is this star attraction because of its importance on the history of Mombasa representing major evidence of the invasion and dominance of the Portuguese at the Kenyan coast. Over the years its uses have changed with change of ownership. It’s now a museum that displays the artifacts and commodities from the merchant days and also showcases the prison rooms where the slaves were kept when Mombasa was a transit point for slave trade.

4. Likoni Ferry

The transport means that conveys people commuting between Likoni and Mombasa Island. The ferry connects the low class neighborhood of Likoni to Mombasa; the working population that mainly lives here commutes to the island for work and back. It has scheduled times for transfers.

5. The Mombasa tusks

The "Tusks" were built in 1952 to honour the Queen Elizabeth when she visited Mombasa and also as a way to show the island's embracing of the British empire. Ivory was an important and valuable commodity at the the time in the region therefore would show great respect and allegiance. The tusks are positioned at the entrance into Mombasa town from the port and so in a way they are like those billboards you would see when entering a town that say "Welcome to Mombasa city". It’s interesting to note that the tusks also spell the letter "M" for Mombasa.

6. Mombasa old town

“Old Town” is a protected heritage attraction of Mombasa that is reminder of its early days when the Arabs exerted a heavy influence on the town and its culture as seen in the architecture and lifestyle in this part of town. A walk through will reveal lots of ancient buildings, art and curio shops selling antiquities and popular Kenyan souvenirs. It has the narrow streets typical of the Kenyan coastal towns during the early times of Arabian rule. One will also note the majority of the population on this side to be of Arab descent.

A VIEW OF MOMBASA OLD TOWN FROM ENGLISH POINT MARINA.

7. Beaches

Mombasa has many great beaches both public and private. The most popular ones being Pirates beach (now officially known as Kenyatta) named after the pirates hotel nearby . As a public beach there are no entry charges, you'll meet vendors selling all kinds of stuff even ukwaju tea (tamarind tea) and snacks(mahamri and "K.D.F"-everyday's special on the snack menu) the downside being it's mostly crowded, Nyali beach my absolute favorite is clean and with white sands. It is a great spot for water surfing, there is camel riding and the best part, it is never crowded so you have privacy. Others are like shanzu beach.

8. Mamba village

This is East Africa’s largest crocodile farm located in Nyali. All things crocodile can be experienced and learnt here (eating included)😊. On a serious note, there is a lot to do at Mamba village like the amusement park activities, learning about the life cycle of crocodiles, watching the feeding of crocodiles, camel riding and a nice meal at the mamba restaurant. There are even souvenir shops to purchase mementos for your travel collection.

9. Haller park

The Park was formerly called Bamburi Nature Trail after the Bamburi cement Factory site where it is located. Haller park is a product of a reclaimed run down limestone mining site. Through reforestation and conservation activities it’s been turned from a barren waste land to an animal sanctuary with a variety of fauna species as well as a convenient park with botanical gardens for picnics and family outings especially for people living in mtwapa and Nyali areas due to proximity. There are trails on which one can view the various reptiles and other animals. It's also a great place for school educational tours.

10. Mtwapa

The hub of entertainment and wild parties is a small township that is rapidly growing on the mainland north of Mombasa connected by nyali bridge. It has become an attraction by itself due to its vibrant nightlife and entertainment with lots of night clubs, casinos and restaurants. It’s also rapidly becoming a prime location for real estate development.

References

The Mombasa-city.com website. To read more https://www.mombasa-city.com/brief_history_of_Mombasa.htm

So there you have it. Hope you have fun visiting Mombasa!!

Do you have suggestions or questions let us know below in the comments section. Give a like, share or both by hitting the 👍button.

Love muchly,
Liz😍😍

2 comments

GODLY RELATIONSHIPS: PART ONE: CHILDREN AND PARENTS.

Photo credits: Eye for Ebony on Unsplash

My heart breaks at how much today relationships have become a

source of discontent and pain in our lives instead of bringing joy and a sense of belonging as they should. People are left to run to and cling at every voice of advice that is out there on what they can do to achieve a happy relationship.

Truth is no real lasting advice can ever be found in the world.

God has demonstrated and taught us His sovereign plan for real relationships by inviting all people to have a personal relationship with Him. This is the hallmark of our Christian faith. In response to this revelation we are to live with all those in our lives with the same love He, the Lord himself has demonstrated to us in His son Jesus Christ.

Why is this important? Because God intends for our relationships to be healthy; fulfilling and those that bring joy into our lives be it with our parents, spouses, relatives or neighbours. The common denominator for these relationships working in your life is God. However the first step towards achieving the fullness that God has for your life concerning relationships is having one with Him. The only way to be in a relationship with the Father is through His son Jesus Christ. For Jesus is the foundation upon which ALL godly relationships are built.If you have never believed in and accepted Jesus Christ in your life, this is a good place to start. Don't wait to do it later now is the time to invite Him into your life,if you feel convicted to take this step.

This series intends to explore the practical ways you can live in godly relationships with your parents, marriage partner, brothers and neighbours.

PRACTICAL STEPS TO HONOR YOUR PARENTS.

This is the first of a series of posts I am going to write on having Godly relationships.

If you are like me you probably have heard several times the command from God for children to honor their parents. Growing up, church was mandatory. Attending Sunday school was something you had to do and not a choice to make. It’s at these Sunday school lessons that the importance of this command was stressed and we knew if you did not obey your parents then you were a bad kid.As we get older though we get to a point where this commandment doesn’t resonate with us anymore and we either feel we have outgrown it or just forgotten because of the issues of life.

The commandment to honor parents is the one command whose effects resulting from obedience or disobedience always readily reflect in the life of a child. This is because it is conditional and also due to the nature of law. Where there is law there is also punishment. God says “Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.” Exodus 20:12 KJV.

Paul reminds us again in Ephesians 6:1-3 “Children, obey your

parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.”

If you do not obey your parents, your life becomes a short one filled with struggle and difficulty. Not because you are cursed but just because these are the consequences that follow. It’s the punishment governing this law.

I therefore today want to refresh our memories on the importance of walking in obedience to God concerning our parents. To gain more perspective I did some research and also asked some parents in what ways would they feel their children are honoring them.

Here are some practical things you can do to ensure you are honoring your parents:

Being Responsible-obedience is great but exercising responsibility by making wise choices without being told is even better. Parents want to see their children excel and be the very best they can be. Being responsible trains them to be self-reliant, good managers of resources and so forth.
Learning and becoming better than your parents. Parents feel honored when their children succeed and have a great future even more than what they had. So if they motivate you to do better honor them by trying your best.
Have good morals- Honor your parents by being an upstanding member of the society. Display good character wherever you are in the society. Parents feel dishonored when their children become dishonest, selfish, inconsiderate, disrespectful or lying people. It brings shame to them.
Show gratitude – parents appreciate when the children recognize their efforts to educate them and generally just provide and care for them. Saying thank you and I love you goes a long way to show this and warms their hearts.
Honor God-Honor your parents by honoring God. Live a godly life.
Respect them- This has to be in words and action. Does how you treat your parents show you respect them? How you speak to them; do you talk back, do you use harsh words etc.
Be Obedient – This has a lot to do with honoring the parents. Obedience is about submission to recognized authority. In the life of a child the first authority she/he encounters is that from the parents therefore obedience to them becomes a default and not something to think about. That is how it should be. The way to obey your parents is simply by doing what they have told you to do. Godly parents will never tell you to do something that dishonors God because they receive their authority from God.
Listen to their advice – another way to honor your parents is to show that you value them; listen/ask for their advice on life’s issues after all they are more experienced and have wisdom and grace given by God to raise you.How many of us today would rather follow advice from influencers and celebrities than our own parents.
Accept correction- Parents feel honored when their children are teachable. Be willing to learn when you are corrected by your parent. Don't always assume you know better.
Offer help when in need- Provide for their basic needs or where they need support financially, emotionally or even psychologically. Do not be enjoying, feasting, and living luxuriously while they are barely surviving. God detests this and will not receive offering from a person that neglects the parents. If still living with your parents the way to help is in chores and other errands around the house.
Model your parent’s values they taught you. Walk in the right ways they showed you such as in how to treat older people (showing respect even when they are strangers), how to dress, how to act etc.

Lastly I want to say that I know there are some that haven’t grown up in homes with a positive, nurturing and wholesome environment and therefore have a hard time relating to their parents. Others have even had to endure all kinds of parental abuse and therefore their love for the parents has grown cold. This kind of pain and childhood trauma can seem impossible to overcome but the good news is that God is well able to heal and restore completely if you allow Him. If you have had problems relating with your parents and are asking how you can even start to honor them, do not be discouraged.

Here are suggestions on where you can begin;

Pray for your parents; that they may come to know the Lord. Make it your burden to intercede for them that God will change their hearts and save them. They may be difficult to relate with but they are still your parents and therefore you don't get a free pass to not honor them.
Forgive them; if you have carried them in your heart because of something you feel they let you down on it’s time to release them and ask God sincerely to help you overcome the hurting. Only God can truly help, you have to be willing and desire to forgive.
Always help and support them in their areas of need. Even though you may not feel like doing it.
Model Jesus for them; since you know Christ, live your life in a way that reflects Jesus. Be an example to them of what knowing God is.
Respect them no matter what. They are still your elders. That means exercising restraint and self-control in front of them.

What are some of the ways in which you honor your parents? Tell us in the comments below. Like and share with a friend.👇

Love muchly,

Liz.😍😍

2 comments

LIZ VARDA

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