LIZ VARDA: 2019

GODLY RELATIONSHIPS: PART TWO-FAMILY.

Family is the first place we find a sense of belonging and learn how to relate. If we cannot have healthy relationships at the foundation level how can we ever hope to relate well at any other level? It is futile/unrealistic to think we can.

Since families are the building blocks of society, the state of a nation tells a lot about the state of families in that nation. At the moment Kenya is going through a time of struggle, despair and epidemic. I do not want to be a prophet of doom neither do I consider myself a prophet but sin has consequences. This is a principle of God’s law just like in our human setting, mistakes have punishment; it is the principle of human law. For now we only look at the greater picture and blame it on one individual person or another. Our nation is in shambles because of the decisions we all make every day to reject good and embrace evil.

This scenario looks eerily similar to that of the nations of Israel and Judah right before they went into captivity in Assyria and Babylon respectively. See Jeremiah 5:20-31, 7;9,-11, Isaiah 2:6-9, 2 Kings 21:1-16. These people had forgotten all about God and who He was in their lives and they had followed their own ways and adopted the thinking of the nations around them. They were practicing idol worship, sorcery and divination, consulting the dead/ spirits, they encouraged injustices, spilling of innocent blood, desecrated the temple by bringing in new gods, ideas and practices their Lord God had not ordained- a mockery to the God of heaven.

Just like the nation of Israel this is a call to repentance starting from individual then family level. You know why? Because Kenya is a nation that acknowledges God almighty and it built its foundation on Christian values. Take for instance the words of our national anthem. When God chooses a people it is usually for a reason. He chose Kenya to know Him; there are other nations that haven’t known the Lord neither do they believe in Him. But we have forgotten this and embraced values of foreign nations.

The message is clear “return to God, rend your hearts.”

Hosea 6:1-3

1 Come, let us return to the Lord.
He has torn us to pieces
    but he will heal us;
he has injured us
    but he will bind up our wounds.
²After two days he will revive us;
    on the third day he will restore us,
    that we may live in his presence.
³Let us acknowledge the Lord;
    let us press on to acknowledge him.
As surely as the sun rises,
    he will appear;
he will come to us like the winter rains,
    like the spring rains that water the earth.” NIV.

Whenever I pray for our nation I always like to recall these words of Hosea because I believe this is what God is telling us in this season.

The dissociation in the family unit is hurting our society and eventually the nation. The people we raise in the families are the same people that are released into societies. Let me say that the enemy is not your brother/ sister/ uncle or even wife but the devil. When you take a 'panga' and murder someone it doesn’t eliminate your enemy it invites and gives him greater control over you. When you get angry and hate your family it does not create distance from your enemy. No matter what you think they have done they are not the source of your problem. Your reaction to a wrong or perceived wrong done to you tells a lot about the condition of your soul.

How do we build Godly relations at the family level?

The answer is always to go back to God’s original idea of a family. As the creator of everything, He designed and therefore knows how all things ought to best function. Deviating from this original plan is what causes problems. All the wisdom of man amounts to nothing but God’s is the ultimate.

God is very clear about how members should relate within a family unit. Ephesians 5:1-6:4

a) Husband to wife –love her the way Jesus loves His church. What this means is that a man should love his wife with a sacrificial kind of love. A love that is pure and not depended on the goodness of the person. In this illustration of Jesus and the church, Christ loved these people to the point of dying for them and it is the realization of this selfless love that draws believers to Christ. Just like the church the wife will be drawn and dedicated to the husband when he loves her selflessly. A good leader sacrifices so that the others may increase. This is what Jesus taught His disciples. The husband is called to sacrifice and love not the wife because he is the leader.

b) Wife to husband- submit to her husband as the head. What it means isn’t inequality or that a woman should be inferior but that there is an operational structure to create order. As God the father is the head of Jesus Christ, so is the man the head of the wife.
1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

Ephesians 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, His body, of which He is the Savior. The illustration does not imply Jesus was in any way less God than the Father [John 1:18 "No one has ever seen God, but the one and only Son, who is Himself God and is at the Father's side, has made Him known"] because God is one existing in three persons; Father, son and Holy spirit who are all equally God in divine nature this is what makes God just one and not three. The same way man and wife ought to be one.

Yet Jesus being God we see Him while on earth in order to fulfill the plan that was from the beginning, He submits to the Father; John 5:30 "I can of mine own self do nothing: as I hear, I judge: and my judgment is just; because I seek not mine own will, but the will of the Father which hath sent me."

John 5:19 So Jesus replied, "Truly, truly, I tell you, the Son can do nothing by Himself, unless He sees the Father doing it. For whatever the Father does, the Son also does."

John 6:38 For I have come down from heaven, not to do My own will, but to do the will of Him who sent Me. God the father sent Jesus Christ and the same way Jesus sent the Holy spirit after ascending to heaven.

John 16:7 But I tell you the truth, it is to your advantage that I go away; for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you; but if I go, I will send Him to you.

They work in unity and harmony. This is how the wife ought to submit to the husband, not to try to prove herself equal but to work together within the structure to fulfill the Godly purpose for their union.

c) The children- to honor and be obedient to both parents.

d) The parents to children- to care for, provide for, not embitter and raise them in the ways of God.

e) Entire household- Each to value others above self.

This is God's structure for family. Most problems could be lessened if we followed these instructions instead of selfish ambition or vain conceit Philippians 2:3-4.

God has not only taught but also modeled to us how we are to relate with our family when He Himself came and lived in an earthly family in Jesus Christ. The story of Jesus in Luke 4:29-30, Mark 3:21 sheds some light on His earthly family relationship.

His own brothers; His family did not believe that He was the promised messiah. Even when His hometown was trying to kill Him we see none of them come to His support (not that He needed).Do you know how hard it is when the closest people to you do not believe or support you? It feels lonely. Yet Jesus was not embittered by this or hate them he just carried on with His mission, loving and praying for them.

He did not try to control their behavior nor let theirs control His. Later on after He is crucified and resurrects the bible tells us that His brothers believed and even James one of them goes on to become the leader of the church at Jerusalem while Jude writes one of the books in the bible. They had finally understood and experienced love. It is this unconditional love what wins people over.

Lastly but certainly not least, know that sin breaks relationships for instance:

The very first people that introduced the family unit, Adam and Eve disobeyed God and then started the blame game. The children they gave birth to fell into the same trap and as jealousy took over a murder occurred.
Abraham had sexual relations with his maid and this led to conflicts and eventually one woman had to be banished to uphold peace.
Favoritism and rivalry among the sons of Jacob led to Joseph being sold to Egypt because he favoured the children of one wife over those of the other.
What of David’s family? his children from many wives fought one another out of selfish ambition, raped, murdered and even still rebelled and tried to overthrow their father’s kingship.

God’s kingdom is referred to as a family that operates on love. This is an example to follow. Family is a place of unconditional love. A family built on this principle will always weather any storm that comes and remain standing, united more than ever at the end of the day.

As we move into the Christmas season how I pray that we embrace love and unity in our families. As we gather together let’s draw from and meditate on the unconditional love of God.

Thanks for reading. Like or share with a friend by hitting 👍button below.

Love muchly,

Liz😍😍

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WHAT’S IN A NAME?

Photo credits: Jennifer Marquez

What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.

This is a very famous line from the popular Shakespearean play Romeo and Juliet. It cleverly sums up the conflict driving the entire story. In the early societies families played an important role in defining who people were. The family name identified who you were in society. As such families kept their lines of descent very distinct. Every society was (and still is) divided into three distinct classes socially; the upper class (affluent), the middle, the lower (working) based on many social factors such as wealth, influence, power, political status, titles and esteem.

And every family fell into one of these classes as per their social status. Majority of the upper class consisted of aristocrats, ruling families, titled people and religious hierarchs. These people were usually born into their status and no amount of wealth or fame would make a person from an ordinary background to be a part of the upper class. This was because children born into upper class were raised in a particular manner to understand the values, traditions, and cultural norms of 'polite society' as they were sometimes referred to. Social class status was therefore derived from the social position of one's family and not from one's own achievements or wealth.

In our Romeo and Juliet story, the two lovebirds lived in such a society and names mattered. Their love suffered so much persecution because of what their names represented; rival families. In defense to her love, Juliet utters the famous line to argue that names don’t really define who people are. And if Romeo had a different surname he would still be the same man she falls in love with. What do you think? Do names truly influence who we become? Well, tell me at the end of this article.

I have never really considered myself a person from a family of influence but talking to a friend recently made me wonder what my family represents.While reminiscing on our childhood I told him I was a sad child, the friend wondered how that could be so when I came from an affluent and well known family unlike him and some other kids we went to school with that came from families with little social standing. From his perspective i was a privileged kid because of my family name.That surprised me because I never saw myself in that light but it also got me thinking.

HERE'S A LITTLE BACKSTORY.

I hail from a small village in the Kenyan countryside. This village is part of the 'one million acre settlement scheme' which comprised parcels of land recovered from the white highlands (agriculturally rich lands where the British had settled during the colonial times)These lands had become white territory so after independence when they left, the government bought them back and sold to Kenyans who could afford so they can engage in farming activities. In our village there are several families that purchased the land and it was subdivided into plots among them. My grandfather was one such person. This portion of the settlement scheme ended up comprising huge farms belonging to these families and in a way they became like founding fathers or 'the Originals'. They developed part and sold part of their lands over the years to small groups of people that had started migrating into the village.

But before then, as I was growing up my village was made up of just a few families and people just identified you by the family you come from. The neighbours were a long ways off because of large farms each family owned so kids just stayed in their homes. No playing in the neighbours’. The farms were named after the owners and at the property entrance there was a sign with the farm name and the plot number. The families became popular by this virtue and had influence on the affairs of the village as the society grew. These original families became the respectable or high society of the village.

HOW?

By becoming a different group of people in the now growing society. They had different mannerisms and lifestyles than the groups moving in therefore by default became the polite society of the village. As a child I didn’t understand that. I just knew I came from a strict family that wouldn’t let me have fun. There were so many rules on how to and how not to act, speak and dress. My family was always very strict on these matters you had to be prim and proper at all times. For instance: if you are seated you had to stand to greet an older person, the younger greeted the older and not vice versa, you were to greet an older person with a curtsy, table manners were a serious issue among other rules of politeness we had to adhere to.

They were strict about cultivating these manners and appalled by aggressive behavior. As a result mingling with other people wasn’t a common occurrence unless in public events and even then people seemed to walk on eggshells around us. At school the children from the original families were known by default. They were different (with exceptions of course) because they were encouraged to act a certain way and study hard. As I grew I started noticing some people just did things I had been taught not to do especially in public. Small things like sneezing or coughing without covering the mouth. It always surprised me.

WHAT IS THE POINT OF ALL THIS?

Polite society in every part of the world and culture is governed by rules of social settings. People belonging in these circles strive to teach their kids the proper way to behave so as to maintain the prestige of their families. They always appear snobbish and maybe it could be somewhat true but what I learnt from my family is the value of etiquette and grace. These are timeless values which dignify a person that no amount of wealth can ever give to someone.

A woman at a restaurant photo by Diego Calabrese

In an attempt to move away from the demeaning and discriminatory aspects that the social classes especially the upper classes pose to the society we have thrown out some very important values that would foster a humane society. The rules of etiquette and manners in polite society were important because they enabled the people to be kind and polite, acting courteously and with dignity not with instinct like animals. Without proper manners, the customs of polite society would soon disappear. Aggressiveness and an attitude of ‘every man for himself’ would be the norm.

We need to bring back and incorporate in our families these courtesies of life that are in danger of disappearing such as;

Using the words please and thank you when requesting for something.
Table manners like chewing with your mouth closed, not talking while eating, not using the phone at dinner table, waiting for everyone to be served before starting to eat, keeping elbows off the table,
Covering your mouth/ nose when sneezing or coughing.
The culture of “ladies first”.
Shaking hands in greetings.
Not using swear or vulgar words in public, no actually just never using vulgar and swear words.
Holding the door open for someone who is behind you.
Taking your place in a queue without pushing in and just queuing in a single file.
Making eye contact when greeting someone.
Greeting an older person with a curtsy.
Knocking on a door before entering.
Giving your seat to an older person in public transport or one who may need it more than you.
Saying sorry when you make a mistake even minor ones.
Saying excuse to get someone’s attention or leave a gathering.
When visiting a house or office, waiting to be invited to sit before you do so.

These are NOT OLD FASHIONED IDEOLOGIES THEY ARE GOOD VALUES for a respectable society. Back then being forced to behave a certain way felt like a punishment but now I realize that these manners help to create a dignified member of the society. We need more dignified people in our societies today.

It would be nice for our modern societies to uphold etiquette. Parents should teach their children manners and etiquette from an early age regardless if they belong to middle, upper or lower class as thought by society. Etiquette shouldn’t be something only determined by family name.

What do you think? Are there etiquette rules you were taught when you were a child? Share with us in the comments.

Hit the👍button below to like and share.

Love muchly,

Liz.😍😍

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THE ISLAND OF MOMBASA

Photo: The Mombasa Tusks

FUN FACTS ABOUT MOMBASA AND WHY YOU SHOULD VISIT.

I have always loved visiting Mombasa for several reasons. One is that feeling of vacationing I get when entering the town; there is a view of the ocean with waves crashing against the shore, the musky smell of salty water vapor that hits your nostrils and the slow pace of life as you watch people go about their activities (if you live in Nairobi or any other busy town you will note this when in Mombasa). All these hold the promise of a dip, laughter, fun-filled and sunny days.

Secondly, the strange mix of ancient architecture that reminds you of medieval times with the modern buildings and civilization that has somehow blended to form the town as we know it. Thirdly, the warm weather whether it rains or not.

The town has changed its name severally over the years though how it came to be called Mombasa is still unclear. During the initial years when it was still part of Tanzania-the then Tanganyika (Later that coastal strip was ceded to the Kenyan government through a treaty) it was known as kisiwa cha mvita (Mvita Island) after its founding father shehe Mvita (Sheikh Mvita).

Afterwards the name was changed to Manbasa an Arabic version of Mvita. Much later the name just became Mombasa. Some claims are that this was a case of Kenyans messing with phonetics and Mombasa is a mispronunciation of Manbasa just like some other foreign words that have become real names after mispronunciation such as Dagoretti corner which was initially “The great corner.” Other theories are that it was called Kisiwa cha mvita which is Swahili for island of war due to the many attacks on the island as various groups struggled for control and power over it including Arabs, Persians, Portuguese and British.

Mombasa isn’t the second largest town in Kenya for no reason; it is an important sea port that serves the whole of east and part of central Africa in terms of import and export trade. Major beneficiaries are Uganda, Burundi, Rwanda, South Sudan and Congo D.R. Being an island it is detached from the mainland where to the north it is connected by the Nyali bridge while to the south is accessible via the Likoni ferry.

MOMBASA OLD PORT.

It has two main harbours i.e. To the north is Mombasa Harbour leading to Tudor Creek.This is where the old port was located before the modern one was made towards the south. It is still operational though now it just serves smaller water vessels coming to the East African coast.

While Kilindini Harbour to the south is more busy shipping traffic to the new and modern port of Mombasa where large modern vessels such as container ships, tankers, warships, reefers, and cruise ships dock.

BEGINNINGS.

We cannot talk about Mombasa without exploring its history as it is an important part of the town and establishment of Kenya as a state.

As one of oldest recorded towns in Kenya it has a history dating as early as 8^th century. Its inhabitants being the Swahili people; a people descended from the east African coast Bantu tribes who had lived here at the latest in the 6^th century. The Swahili comprised mainly 12 clans that later broke up due to dominance struggles into two separate confederations comprising 3 and 9 tribes.

The town over the years changed ownership through many foreign powers that invaded it.

At the onset of the 1^st millennium, a new Swahili group the shirazi believed to have migrated from the north, most likely Lamu and Somali settled in Mombasa and became the dominant force due to their well-established organizational system; they introduced the coinage system and Islam. They also created sultanates for governing the land and a merchant system that served this coastal strip. The Persians also arrived in the 12^th century and took part in the trade that was beginning to pick up and open the region at the time.

However, the arrival of the explorer Vasco da Gama on his expedition to India shook up things and marked the beginning of the Portuguese era in Mombasa. Five years later they came and attacked Mombasa. At the close the 14^th century the Portuguese had firmly established themselves and built the imposing fort Jesus; a reign which lasted for approximately 100 years. This was until they were ousted by the Oman Arabs, who laid siege to the fort Jesus.

Interestingly after this victory, there was power struggle between the Mazrui’s and Busaid clans of the Oman with the Mazrui’s emerging victorious and ruling over the town but later the Busaid leader sultan Sayyid Said defeated the mazrui’s in 1822 and gained control. This was not to last long as two years later the British arrived to overthrow the Sultan Sayyid Said following an alliance treaty with the Mazrui’s who had pleaded for help to unseat the Busaid. The british agreed to help the Mazrui leader on condition that he abolishes slave trade.

Mombasa became a British protectorate and by the 1886, this became the springboard for the British colonization later in Kenya. They started construction of the railway line to access the mainland which was completed in 1901.

WHAT’S FUN TO SEE IN MOMBASA?

There are many places to visit and things to see in Mombasa since it is a thriving town but I’ll just sample a few exciting ones:

1. Hotels

Mombasa has an array of accommodation facilities to suit your style and pocket. Being an important tourist destination it has a host of quality 5 star rated hotels and resorts for holiday, relaxation and business visits. Some of the best include Nyali sun Africa beach resort, Sarova white sands, Bamburi beach hotel and English point marina and spa just to mention a few.

2. Neighbourhoods

There are clear cut neighbourhoods with distinct character much like Nairobi. These include;

· Nyali and Kizingo- Nyali and Kizingo are the high class estates of Mombasa. Nyali serves the rich settlers of the coast characterized by leafy gated communities; the shopping centre is also well developed. The English point Marina hotel is also located here. Kizingo is a rich estate serving the diplomat community; it is also where the state house is located.

· Tudor and Ganjoni- These two are Middle class regions serving the middle income earners characterized by residential apartments and shops.

· Mikindani and miritini- low class neighbourhoods in the outskirts of the town serving the population working in the industrial area of changamwe and Kilindini harbor.

· Magongo-Is predominantly a slum area with very low accessibility to proper social amenities.

· Likoni- Is a lower class area on the south side of Mombasa accessible by the Likoni ferry. The population comprise heavily of the Digos (a native mijikenda tribe). They mostly work on Mombasa island as casual labourers for industries.

· Kibokoni and Makadara- Are neighbourhoods located within Mombasa old town with major Swahili influences in architecture and culture. They have mostly retained the ancient outlook and are rich in the history of Mombasa. The major population here is the afro-arabs and arabs. Fort jesus is located in Kibokoni while Makadara is home to the descendants of Baluchi soldiers (the mercenaries for the Omani forces.)

3. Fort Jesus

Located in Mombasa old town is this star attraction because of its importance on the history of Mombasa representing major evidence of the invasion and dominance of the Portuguese at the Kenyan coast. Over the years its uses have changed with change of ownership. It’s now a museum that displays the artifacts and commodities from the merchant days and also showcases the prison rooms where the slaves were kept when Mombasa was a transit point for slave trade.

4. Likoni Ferry

The transport means that conveys people commuting between Likoni and Mombasa Island. The ferry connects the low class neighborhood of Likoni to Mombasa; the working population that mainly lives here commutes to the island for work and back. It has scheduled times for transfers.

5. The Mombasa tusks

The "Tusks" were built in 1952 to honour the Queen Elizabeth when she visited Mombasa and also as a way to show the island's embracing of the British empire. Ivory was an important and valuable commodity at the the time in the region therefore would show great respect and allegiance. The tusks are positioned at the entrance into Mombasa town from the port and so in a way they are like those billboards you would see when entering a town that say "Welcome to Mombasa city". It’s interesting to note that the tusks also spell the letter "M" for Mombasa.

6. Mombasa old town

“Old Town” is a protected heritage attraction of Mombasa that is reminder of its early days when the Arabs exerted a heavy influence on the town and its culture as seen in the architecture and lifestyle in this part of town. A walk through will reveal lots of ancient buildings, art and curio shops selling antiquities and popular Kenyan souvenirs. It has the narrow streets typical of the Kenyan coastal towns during the early times of Arabian rule. One will also note the majority of the population on this side to be of Arab descent.

A VIEW OF MOMBASA OLD TOWN FROM ENGLISH POINT MARINA.

7. Beaches

Mombasa has many great beaches both public and private. The most popular ones being Pirates beach (now officially known as Kenyatta) named after the pirates hotel nearby . As a public beach there are no entry charges, you'll meet vendors selling all kinds of stuff even ukwaju tea (tamarind tea) and snacks(mahamri and "K.D.F"-everyday's special on the snack menu) the downside being it's mostly crowded, Nyali beach my absolute favorite is clean and with white sands. It is a great spot for water surfing, there is camel riding and the best part, it is never crowded so you have privacy. Others are like shanzu beach.

8. Mamba village

This is East Africa’s largest crocodile farm located in Nyali. All things crocodile can be experienced and learnt here (eating included)😊. On a serious note, there is a lot to do at Mamba village like the amusement park activities, learning about the life cycle of crocodiles, watching the feeding of crocodiles, camel riding and a nice meal at the mamba restaurant. There are even souvenir shops to purchase mementos for your travel collection.

9. Haller park

The Park was formerly called Bamburi Nature Trail after the Bamburi cement Factory site where it is located. Haller park is a product of a reclaimed run down limestone mining site. Through reforestation and conservation activities it’s been turned from a barren waste land to an animal sanctuary with a variety of fauna species as well as a convenient park with botanical gardens for picnics and family outings especially for people living in mtwapa and Nyali areas due to proximity. There are trails on which one can view the various reptiles and other animals. It's also a great place for school educational tours.

10. Mtwapa

The hub of entertainment and wild parties is a small township that is rapidly growing on the mainland north of Mombasa connected by nyali bridge. It has become an attraction by itself due to its vibrant nightlife and entertainment with lots of night clubs, casinos and restaurants. It’s also rapidly becoming a prime location for real estate development.

References

The Mombasa-city.com website. To read more https://www.mombasa-city.com/brief_history_of_Mombasa.htm

So there you have it. Hope you have fun visiting Mombasa!!

Do you have suggestions or questions let us know below in the comments section. Give a like, share or both by hitting the 👍button.

Love muchly,
Liz😍😍

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LIZ VARDA

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How do we build Godly relations at the family level?

The answer is always to go back to God’s original idea of a family. As the creator of everything, He designed and therefore knows how all things ought to best function. Deviating from this original plan is what causes problems. All the wisdom of man amounts to nothing but God’s is the ultimate.

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LIZ VARDA

Pages

How do we build Godly relations at the family level?

The answer is always to go back to God’s original idea of a family. As the creator of everything, He designed and therefore knows how all things ought to best function. Deviating from this original plan is what causes problems. All the wisdom of man amounts to nothing but God’s is the ultimate.

About me

Follow Us

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recent posts

Social

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